2019 in Review

So 2019 happened…

I didn’t blog much. There wasn’t much to say really.

I spent the first three quarters of the year wrangling my mental health. With the help of a holistic psychiatrist I improved my nutrient intake and dropped my medications. The final step down didn’t go well so I’m on a new medication that is working really well and continuing to work on the elements of diet and lifestyle that support my mental health.

My physical health has gradually improved. The germs that Rabbit brings home from daycare means that I’ve been sick a lot but it’s gradually improving. My Beloved on the other hand got pneumonia and landed their ass in hospital with an abscess is their lung. They’re ok now but they’ve lost about 10% of their lung capacity on one side.

I am continuing work for the little events company I’ve been with for the last year and am loving it more everyday. I will be incredibly sad when it comes to an end.

My beloved was made redundant in August. They are now working as a consultant and have an ongoing position lined up for next year. I am so incredibly proud of how they handled the redundancy so soon after being sick, and so very happy for them with the positions they’ve found. They are doing so well.

Rabbit grows at an insane rate. She’s bright, cheerful, inquisitive and fearless. Everything a shortly-to-be-two year old should be. Her big sisters are amazing, as always.

My disappointments for the year are few.

I didn’t make as much art as I’d like, but I did make art.
I didn’t read enough, but I did read.
I didn’t socialise enough, but my health is improving so it balances out.

Overall this year has been brutal but rewarding.

It’s been a while

I’ve not had much energy for blogging in the past few weeks so it’s now mid-March and no one has heard anything from me since January.

Photo of baby girl in a blue onsie with little grey trees on it.

The Good:

  • Rabbit is ever adorable, sleeping quite well for her age and developing nicely.
  • I’m back at uni and enjoying it.
  • I have the world’s best partner who is doing their best to take care of me.
  • My blood pressure has returned to normal after a few weeks of it being very high post birth.
  • I am doing some work with a lovely lady and learning some new skills along the way.

The Bad:

  • Uni is a struggle, do you know hard it is to study with an infant? Really fucking hard.
  • I do not function well without sleep.
  • I had to stop working on the Hekate stuff to fit in life stuff. This makes me sad.
  • I am so many shades of out of spoons.

The (really) Ugly:

  • My mental health has gone to hell in a handbasket. Primarily, we feel, because of lack of sleep combined with the added stress of motherhood and uni combined. I am… unwell. Very much so. The people I want to know the details already do, but suffice to say my medication is being upped to help my brain cope with everything and I’ve done an awful lot of crying recently.
  • My floors… just don’t look at them if you visit.

Sleep In!!

I got to sleep to 6:30am this morning. Rabbit usually wakes at 5:30am so this was awesome! I feel good. I’ve done housework I’ve been putting off for a couple of days even and it’s only 10am.

So, Rabbit is 3 weeks today. In the past 3 weeks I have learnt something important: Babies are a fuckton of work and I can’t do all the things I want to. I need to nap at least once a day with her in order to be functional for her 12-1am feed and she needs a lot of my time with feeds, nappy changes and playing. We’ve resolved one problem by putting together her big cot in the loungeroom so she can play and nap out here with me during the day.

Photo of my 3 week old daughter, nicknamed Rabbit, sleeping on a colourful play mat.
Rabbit seems to like her play mat in the cot set up. She plays and naps while I do chores.

Unfortunately, all that means I’ve had to drop things. The main one is my Hekate course. I can pick it up in the next cycle of it so it’s not a drama, but I’m a bit sad. I simply can’t keep up with it right now and I definitely won’t be able to catch up and keep up with it when uni starts back at the end of Feb.

With that said, there is some good news. I’m developing a nice routine with the little one and that means I’m doing ok with my self-care. My mental health is holding up surprisingly well, and I’m physically doing pretty damned well. My shoulders are killing me, but I’ll sort out a massage to right that soon. The girls are back at school so I have a bit of quiet and calm at home during the week now, after several months of someone always being here. Also Kovu the Dog has chilled the fuck out and is back to behaving himself for the most part. Still working on the barking but it’s getting better.

My Mate is away for work for 10 days and I’m missing him like blazes. However, I’m managing the home stuff and I’m upright. I’m also super proud of him. He knows why I am.

There’s been very little creative stuff this last 2 weeks, but I’ve continued on Rabbit’s blanket and am about to start a little gift for a friend’s baby which is due in a few weeks.

So that’s me, how are you?

 

Pregnancy Recovery

Pregnancy recovery is a slow process. Very slow and tedious, and frustrating on top of that. I’m getting into a routine with Rabbit that means I get enough sleep, I’m showering daily which is very nice and so far my stitches appear to be healing well. Next step is exercise…

A photo of my very large, goofy German Shepherd with his tongue hanging out one side of his mouth and his favorite ball out the other.
This big goof came to us last year as an 8 year old rescue with severe anxiety issues. 

Yesterday we took Rabbit and Kovu the Dog, our giant German Shepherd, for a walk at the same time. By the end of it, I was in tears. Kovu just would not behave for me and was dragging on the lead which was not ok for me. By the time I got back to the house I was frustrated, in pain and cried all over My Mate.

Tonight I took him again. I was worried I’d have a repeat of yesterday, but apparently, that was the presence of Rabbit and My Mate causing the issues. Tonight he happily walked at heel for the entire, very short, walk.

He’s still very anxious around Rabbit and tends to freak out and start ignoring commands. I’m getting a dog trainer out to help me deal with this soon as it can’t be happening while My Mate is in the USA late this month.

 

January Crafting – Week 2

Uhm, last week I made this and learnt how to take care of it:

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Today Rabbit is exactly one week old. We’re thrilled to have her with us at last. It was absolutely love at first sight.

My Beloved there helped make her and was a very good support person while I bought her into the world. They’re so cute together.

 

Early Jan Crafting

Not a lot happening here right now. Still waiting for Rabbit to arrive and I’m at the so pregnant I hate everything stage of it all. I’ve run out of steam for real chores and cleaning so been doing some odds and ends of crafting.

 

I HAVE SET UP MY LOOM!! I had to wait until the Christmas tree was down as it was sitting on the table the loom was going onto. The loom is a small rigid heddle loom for me to start practising with before moving onto the big four heddle floor loom I have. I’m happily digging into a pair of rigid heddle beginner-friendly books before I get started with it. I’m really looking forward to starting with it.

Last night I washed and blocked the baby blanket I finished crocheting last year. It was my first ‘large’ project and I’ve definitely ballsed it but it was a learning experience and I’ve figured out how to do it right next time. I’m still a beginner and I’m proud of my first attempt!

And this morning I dug around and pulled out a scrap of fabric and made myself a jewellery hanging board. It’s a cork board covered in fabric (the fabric is stapled to the back of the board to keep it there) with some gold string to hang earrings from, and gold pushpins for necklaces. In doing this I located jewellery I didn’t know I even had.

My only cleaning so far today has been getting the dust out of my jewellery box and stripping the bed as my mate climbed all over it in his work boots while he was putting up some roller blinds in our room.

A Little Bit of Cheer

This photo was taken yesterday at the start of their work Christmas party before the great foodening and drunkening began.

I’d be lying if I said they were anything short of the love of my life. I have never met anyone who could make me happier, even in my absolute worst of depression states, than my mate. 6 years, one mortgage, a wedding and a surprise pregnancy later…

Nothing has changed. The love of my life who makes me happier than anyone has right to be, and I will stand by them and support them through the years. I chose, every single day.

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Enrolled!

So I was somewhat oblivious to the whole pregnancy thing, basically didn’t think I could get pregnant so I was about 10 weeks when I finally found out… and that 10 weeks was hell. I was so horrifically nauseas and tired ALL THE TIME! Now, I have some seriously stupid ongoing digestive issues so I didn’t think too much of it except that I suddenly so tired I couldn’t focus on anything.

At the time I was undertaking a full load of distance study in psychology. I could see I wasn’t going to be able to manage that with the tiredness and dropped a class and then I had to ask for two extensions on an assignment for the other one despite normally being able to ace a subject whilst working full time, let alone the 3 days I was working at the time.

A friend who, at that time, I didn’t know well suggested pregnancy and the idea got stuck in my brain. 2 days later I was getting the whole thing confirmed and calling my mate (in Hong Kong for a conference) to tell him the news all whilst freaking out about the timing and whether or not they wanted this…

And dropping my remaining university class. There was no way I was going to keep up between work and what I knew would be ongoing nausea and exhaustion. I was literally getting home from work, falling asleep on the couch, getting up for dinner and going back to bed.

I was studying the pre-entry classes for a Psychology degree. Something I had considered on and off for a few years. I wanted to make psychology services more readily available to queer people like me, and to queer disabled people. I still do, which is why I have finally re-enrolled. Starting in late February 2018 I’ll be back at study part time to finish those prerequisite classes whilst Rabbit is still a wee tiny thing.

Wish me luck.

Why?

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Venus – Kate MacDowell

 

Why?

You have, in your grace, the ability to lay wants bare.
A glance, a smile,
Words that curve coyly there.
Come.
Come.
Come.

And yet, kind hands, hold with care,
Tenderly, gently,
This all too delicate glass heart,
Whispering quietly,
Stay.
Stay
Stay.

– Bones 27/11/17

Planning, planning, planning…

Honestly I need to get better about planning my individual days around the hot weather. By mid-morning it’s hitting 30 degrees (86f) and my pregnant ass can not be fucked dealing with anything housework or movement related. At least, that aside, today has been a good day for sitting behind a screen and doing some forward planning.

I spent the first hour or so this morning flicking through the CSIRO Low-Carb Diet. I bought this due to the gestational diabetes – the less carbs I eat the better my blood

Photo on 21-11-17 at 4.59 pmglucose levels are, and in the long term the less risk I have of developing type 2 diabetes (which runs in my family). I spent some time this afternoon putting together a meal plan for next week which looks actually viable and really tasty. I need to try and include 2 serves of fish each week which is… awkward with teenagers in the house who hate fish.

 

**The one thing I did note about this book is that it is in no way low FODmap friendly. I’m experienced enough to make the adjustments where needed but if you’re newer to the FODmap diet try cookbooks especially for it. I only found one low-carb and low-FODmap cookbook and it looked dodgy as sin.** 

I moved on to crafts from there, which has been lovely, and planning out my 2018 gift list. It’s currently far smaller than it will be, but it’s a start. I’m also looking at my current maker list and making sure I’m on track for that. I have 5 current projects:

  • The bunny bonnet for Rabbit that should be finished this week.
  • The waffle weave crochet blanket to go with said bonnet.
  • A blue lap blanket that I think will be a gift.
  • Mum’s gift (she can find this so it goes in as secret squirrel) – Starting this week with view to finish mid-Jan (I may be overly hopeful here)
  • 23798193_10156760990899692_72428983_oA devotional carnelian bracelet made for my work with Hekate which I finally got the beads for and will also start this week once I have the appropriate threads for it (it came threaded on the string)  >>

After a bit of debate I have re-enrolled in the class I dropped earlier this year when I first become pregnant. I was so sick that I couldn’t keep up, and that will be starting late February so there’s time to settle Rabbit in prior to kicking off.

So, yes, today has been a good day for planning. I think, over the years, this isn’t really something I’ve taken the time out to do and that’s reflected in the lack of achievement of goals both in professional and personal fields. My Mate is, thankfully, a very strong planner and their influence is rubbing off.

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