This photo was taken yesterday at the start of their work Christmas party before the great foodening and drunkening began.
I’d be lying if I said they were anything short of the love of my life. I have never met anyone who could make me happier, even in my absolute worst of depression states, than my mate. 6 years, one mortgage, a wedding and a surprise pregnancy later…
Nothing has changed. The love of my life who makes me happier than anyone has right to be, and I will stand by them and support them through the years. I chose, every single day.
I either go into the new year with a war cry or actual goals. This year coming is a goal year and as usual, I’m well ahead of January in putting them together. I like to actually think these things through and plan them. I’ve gone with 6 goals this year, and I think all are achievable. 1 is kind of an ongoing thing but I think I’ll want the reminder when I look back at this list given how much energy a newborn needs from their parents.
Overall though I have a personal goal, a family goal, a study goal, a creative goal, a super-mundane goal and a magical goal. 6 distinct parts of my life covered ;p
Remember to keep on top of my self-care. I can’t achieve anything else if I’m completely falling over.
Be a good parent to Rabbit. She’s joining us in early January. I have no idea what I’m doing, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out. Pretty straight-forward as far as it goes, but also easier said than done.
Do well at my university studies. Again, rather self-explanatory as far as it goes. I want to achieve good grades. The degree does call for an honours year.
Learn to spin yarn and weave. I have now got two lovely looms. One is a small tabletop rigid heddle and the other a large four heddle loom I was given. I also have a spinning wheel in the garage. I would like to pair this goal with sourcing sustainable, ethically produced, materials and dying methods.
Do something about my wardrobe. It’s over-flowing with things I don’t wear, and clothes that really need replacing despite how much I love them. I own a sewing machine, there’s a charity store nearby and I’ve spent a reasonable amount of time already thinking about how to go from this mess to capsule wardrobe.
Stick with the Hekate work I am doing. Routine is often unfamiliar in my world and it’s time I developed it.
So I was somewhat oblivious to the whole pregnancy thing, basically didn’t think I could get pregnant so I was about 10 weeks when I finally found out… and that 10 weeks was hell. I was so horrifically nauseas and tired ALL THE TIME! Now, I have some seriously stupid ongoing digestive issues so I didn’t think too much of it except that I suddenly so tired I couldn’t focus on anything.
At the time I was undertaking a full load of distance study in psychology. I could see I wasn’t going to be able to manage that with the tiredness and dropped a class and then I had to ask for two extensions on an assignment for the other one despite normally being able to ace a subject whilst working full time, let alone the 3 days I was working at the time.
A friend who, at that time, I didn’t know well suggested pregnancy and the idea got stuck in my brain. 2 days later I was getting the whole thing confirmed and calling my mate (in Hong Kong for a conference) to tell him the news all whilst freaking out about the timing and whether or not they wanted this…
And dropping my remaining university class. There was no way I was going to keep up between work and what I knew would be ongoing nausea and exhaustion. I was literally getting home from work, falling asleep on the couch, getting up for dinner and going back to bed.
I was studying the pre-entry classes for a Psychology degree. Something I had considered on and off for a few years. I wanted to make psychology services more readily available to queer people like me, and to queer disabled people. I still do, which is why I have finally re-enrolled. Starting in late February 2018 I’ll be back at study part time to finish those prerequisite classes whilst Rabbit is still a wee tiny thing.
Using a Pump water bottle to model the tiny newborn beanie I made today. It whipped up reasonable fast for a slow crocheter, someone faster could probably do it in a few hours. Click the picture to be taken to the free pattern.
How does one count 100 chants of Io Heka Io Ho without disrupting the flow of the mantra??
If you’re me you spend a month waiting on carnelian beads that you then find out you totally misjudged the size on, then procrastinate for another week or two on actually doing anything with them…
The bracelet is carnelian, leather and silk thread. It only contains 50 of the 100 beads I’d ordered because I made a mistake in my measurement but I’m thinking a second one would be nice rather than starting over. It’s not perfect, but it’s the first bit of jewellery I’ve made on my own so it’s a good start.
I am struggling to find words for this post even though I do wish to write about it. The short version is my very pregnant butt made it to a wonderful ritual for Hekate of the Crossroads and came out feeling refreshed, assured and inspired.
The longer version…
I honestly wasn’t sure how I’d go in the ritual. I arrived exhausted, having finished the years Christmas shopping after spending 4 hours waddling slowly around a major shopping centre. On that front I was surprised to reach the end and feel better for the night’s work – but I did sleep 19 of 24 hours the following day. Take that how you will.
Of the actual ritual I wont say much. It was a private ritual, in a private home, and it remains private, but of my own experiences in it…
To be held in power by a deity is awing and overwhelming usually, but this felt more like being faced with a mother. Gentle, kindly and yet still awing and powerful in Her own right. I handed to Her what I had to give, and felt it little to be offering at her feet, and in return I was given the guidance to move forward in 3 ways:
Reassurance that I was on the right path and that motherhood was as much part of the path I am to walk with Her as devotion and magic is.
A firm yes to the importance of spinning and weaving as part of my devotion and magic with Her. Both skills I am gearing up to learn in the next year.
Guidance to where I am on my personal crossroads, where I have strengths and where I have blocks I need to overcome to best serve Her and improve my own life in those cardinal directions.
Simple things, perhaps, but important at a time where my life is at a huge crossroads.
Even had I not gotten so much out of this ritual it still was one of the loveliest I have had a chance to attend this year. I do so hope there are many more to come.
My work with Hekate is rather new, despite her insistence I pay attention long before I did, and I think this prayer is rather lovely. Given all that’s moving in my life it is now transcribed in front of the notebook I’m specifically reserving for work with Hekate.