Crap, this year is just getting away from me. It’s already been a big one.

• Rabbit had her 1st Birthday. They’re up and crawling and getting into mischief.
• We went camping. It was a great three nights away in Central Vic just out of Little Desert.
• I made the call not to return to study this year as I need to focus on my health. My leave of absence was approved without an issue.
• I dropped down a dose of my antidepressant. Outside of being sick for several days it went very well.
• M & J got their further study offers. M is doing an associate diploma in IT and J was offered a university place in law.
• J moved back in.
• B went to the USA and we survived!
• We finally got a plan mapped out for the backyard. This includes building B an office out there so Rabbit isn’t under his feet when he’s working.

• Rabbit has started standing on her own and attempting to walk. They’re not quite there yet, but soon.
• Dropped another 50mg off my antidepressants with minimal fuss.
• B and I have had 2, yes TWO!!!! date nights. One at the gorgeous Le Bon Ton and one, for my birthday, at Meat Maiden.
• I decided to start putting together a folio to apply to RMIT fine arts and then got distracted and decided to add one of the arts institues to my applications. Big folio required.
• Did an oil painting course and it rocked and suddenly I LOVE painting.
• Turned 35.
• Had a tarot reading with Ly De Angeles, who is fucking amazing. It was really interesting and I’m still digesting it and transcribing it days later.
• B went to NZ.

And, right now, I’m butting heads with my diet. I need to keep improving it, but a lot of what is good for me is downright bad for J and not really stuff M will eat, so I cook two meals every night, or variations on one meal, or suck it up? I’m really fucking frustrated. I’m not able to just say cook for yourselves either, or I don’t feel like I can. *Sigh*

Images from Every-Tuesday blog by Teela. An awesome blog for those looking to get into or improve their skills in Lettering.

Christ things are hard at the moment.

On the good!

I really enjoy working in events. It’s great and the team I’m working for are lovely. The work is all day and full on so I don’t get bored and clock watch at all, which is wonderful. I also don’t tend to bring any of the day’s stresses home with me.

I got a HD for my first portfolio submission at uni. I was half way through my 2nd year when I dropped out and was a bit worried that it would go to hell in a hand basket as I was out of practice. All is good. (Two of my first works below)

Two fo my works from my first portfolio

Rabbit is growing fast and turning into a right little explorer of the world. She loves water, and gardening. Unfortunately I’ve had to cordon off one of my plants as she tries to garden inside a lot. She also enjoys food a lot aespecially vegemite and cheese sandwiches (but also including catfood and random things off the floor).

I’m really enjoying my studies, and am plannign personal artworks for when I have 5 damned minutes. I have a painting sketched up for one friend and another in development for a different friend.

The Bad…

Christ things are hard.

There’s nothing other then the three things above.

All my work on my mental health has stalled and I’ve lost a lot of ground. I’ve barely been able to work for my other clients in months and I’m perpetually out of spoons. I havent moped, cooked a decent meal or spent much time with my Beloved Wolf for quite a while and I see no end in sight.

I leave off uni for two days and then I completely ose my routine and start struggling to keep up, but working every night leaves no time for anything outside of Rabbit – which I have to bust my ass to make time for as it is.

I don’t know, there’s no point to this. Life is life, and right now it’s hard.

Some days I feel like I absolutely can’t win.

A week ago I had a massive blood screening done in the name of seeing what we could find out about my health. The hope was we could find something that may indicate the cause of the pain my hands are in.

So the bad news: Nada. Absolutely nothing to indicate there is any underlying cause for the pain my hands are in.

But, the good news: I am disgustingly, revoltingly, stupidly healthy according to my blood work. Everything except my PCO marker is exactly where it should be, and I was diagnosed with PCO/S years ago so that’s a known entity.

This includes:

• General vitamin/mineral stuff (Vitamin D is back to normal – whoop)
• Cholesterol
• Blood sugar (we have a family history of diabetes so this is always a good thing)
• The various markers that would indicate rheumatoid arthritis development
• Inflammation markers
• All forms of immunology markers including antibody levels (for the first time in a decade!)
• Blood cell counts
• Thyroid
• Tumor markers

I am absolutely, disgustingly, perfectly healthy.

Next step is more x-rays of my hands and also some ultrasounds of them so see if there’s any tissue damage or cystic growths impinging on the nerves.

Which comes to my second bit of good news: New doctor is fucking amazing. Seriously.

I have been told by doctors before that my weight is a concern when seeing them for everything from a fucking chest infection to back pain that I’ve had since I was a skinny kid of, like, 15. I’ve always had breasts that were large for my proportions and it causes back strain. You try carrying several kilos of weight on your chest all day everyday.

This doctor mentioned that I was carrying a bit of weight around my stomach and I needed to watch that, as with the PCOS I will have a hard time losing it. She was actually surprised when I admitted that I am my current weight (and insisted on checking it on her scales) and then, instead of just telling me to lose it and sending me on my way, she sat down and went through why it was an issue and what help she could give me. She listened when I told her about the struggles I have been having with it and what I had already tried. She gave me a referral to a nutritionist and dietician so I had some qualified support. She explained the difference in what level of exercise a normal person needs and what someone with PCOS needs to have the same effect due to metabolism issues PCOS causes.

In other words she wasn’t an asshole about it and, instead of wanting to punch her in the face, I left feeling apprehensive but actually like I have a chance in hell of working through this.

So yeah, health update: All is technically awesome, but we still don’t know why I’m in pain 24/7