2018 Redux

Christ, what a year it’s been. Talk about an emotional roller coaster. 

I was diagnosed with:

  • carpel tunnel
  • osteoarthritis in both knees
  • thorasic opening syndrome 
  • glandular fever
  • 3 chest infections
  • 2 sinus infections 
  • Something wrong with liver function (yesterday)

My mental health has gone from ok to bad to worse with some occasional upswings that then became big drops. My meds have doubled in under 12 months to try and keep up and are failing to do so. Which has been really tough with a baby in the house. 

My health has cost me a contract I was loving, and caused me to – temporarily – drop university until I’m doing better. I’ve been an absolute flake on social matters and just over all struggled to get out with a few exceptions. I also never made it to bellydance which makes me incredibly sad.

My Beloved has had a rough year himself so we’re both worn out and tetchy at this point, but doing our best to hold ourselves together and support each other. 

And then the cat got sick and, fuck me, that was a terrifying 24 hours.

But, with the bad comes the things that hold us here. Starting with the biggest thing of the year – giving birth in January. She’s the light of my life, and literally has kept me alive this year. 

Image of my infant daughter when she was only a week old. She's tiny and wrapped in a white muslin swaddle with monsters on it.

Rabbit

This little darling has gone from strength to strength. Watching a child grow is fascinating, watching them learn is delightful and there is nothing more beautiful in the world than your own child. 

And she went from this too…

This! 

Almost 11 months old, crawling, standing, trying to walk (she can with support from someone bigger) and feeding herself reasonably well. She’s a brave explorer of the world – yesterday she climbed down the stairs at home for the first time. She likes to dance and garden. She thinks water is the best and  bath time is AWESOME. She loves people especially her big sisters, Nanny L and Poppy, and absolutely adores Daddy. 

My gorgeous parents-in-law have been amazing with her and helping us out as we try to hold our sanity and heath together. I really couldn’t have survived the past 2 months without them.

The twins graduated and turned 18! It was a pretty rough ride for both of them, but they made it work and we are so incredibly proud of both of them. J is moving out of home shortly and M has job interviews lined up, both are waiting on their final results and university offers. 

My Mum got engaged! I am so happy for her and looking forward to the wedding. 

My lovely friend Miss A started her own dance business – APB Dance

My dear friend Nik has been like a second Mum to Rabbit through the year and a huge support to me. 

I started painting again. 

And most importantly I finally said enough is enough with my mental health an dasked for a referral to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist I’m seeing was recommended by my psychologist and has a holistic practice where he is working with me to address the underlying physiological issues to my depression so that A) my meds can work, and B) we can hopefully lower my medication dosage or maybe get me off them entirely. 

So that’s where I’m signing off. It’s been a hard, emotionally taxing, and sleep deprived year, but as always we sign off hoping for better in the New Year. 


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