I have spent most of today crying.
I cried because I couldn’t get the dog to calm down. I cried because I hadn’t gotten the kitchen fully cleaned. I cried because a layer of dust had settled over the couch again after I spent half an hour cleaning it last night thanks to the high winds today. I cried because I hadn’t cleaned our bedroom. I cried because I almost blew up the vacuum just before I finished vacuuming. I cried because the dining room table hadn’t been done (and it won’t be tonight).
I have felt like a complete failure from beginning to end.
Somewhere in there I realised that, as terrible as today has been for me emotionally, over all I cry a lot less these days. The support of my loving mate, the medication and doctors, and the encouragement of friends and family, have pulled me out of the black hole I used to live in everyday.
A few minutes ago I came to another realisation. The reason being so truly overwhelmed really, really, REALLY sucks so much worse than it used to is because it is now so rare. It’s not something I live with on a day to day basis…
And that’s nice.
And now I’m gonna eat my ice cream, clean my dinner dishes and go to bed, because today has truly sucked.